Jokes thread!

Lawyers don't always win!
A London lawyer on holiday in Ireland drives through a 'Stop' sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London , and is certain that he has a better education than any 'foreign' cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense.

Irish Garda says,' License and registration, please.' 

London Lawyer says, 'What for?' 

Irish Garda replies, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign.' 

London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.' Irish Garda says, 'You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And registration, please.' 

London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?' 

Irish Garda says, 'The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' 

London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between 'slow down' and 'stop', I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.' 

Irish Garda says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.' 

The London lawyer exits his vehicle. 

The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer with it, and says, ' Now do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
Can we win a game. 
Yes we can.  

In the Championship that is...  Big Grin
Reply
A journalist goes to a mountainous area of Albania to write a documentary about rustic life in the Balkans. He interviews an old man in a small village and asks him to narrate a typical happy story about his village to reflect their local culture.
The old man smiled and reminisced:
"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then went looking for the goat. When we finally found her, as is our tradition, we all drank some more vodka and all the men in the village each got their turn to mate with the goat. Oh, we had so much fun that day!"
The journalist realizes that he can't publish such a story, so he asks the old man if he has another happy local story.
The old man smiles again and his eyes shine with joy as he recalls:
"Once, my neighbour’s wife got lost in the mountains. As our tradition demands, all of the village's men gathered to drink vodka and then went to look for her. When we finally found her, as is our tradition, all the men in the village got their turn to mate with my neighbour’s wife. We really had a wonderful day that day!"
The journalist can't publish that story either and so he decides to change tack. He asks: "Don't you have a story that is less happy; something... umm ... perhaps a little sadder?"
The old man's smile fades. His eyes well up. 
In a sad, trembling voice, he begins:
"One day I got lost in the mountains........”
Can we win a game. 
Yes we can.  

In the Championship that is...  Big Grin
Reply
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking along with his legs spread apart.

One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk like that."

The other student said: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitski Syndrome. He walks just as we learnt in class."

Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the medical syndrome from which you are suffering. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man replied: "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you think."

One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought... but you thought wrong."

Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitski Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought... but you thought wrong."

So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"

And the old man said: "I thought it was a fart... but I thought wrong."
Can we win a game. 
Yes we can.  

In the Championship that is...  Big Grin
Reply
A family was supposed to stay the night in an hotel, but there was a screw-up with the rooms, so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old grandson.

In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted, "Quick! Get me a woman, fast!"

The grandson moaned, "Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, it's three o'clock in the morning, and you'll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you're 82 years old. And third, that's MY *** you're holding... not yours."
Can we win a game. 
Yes we can.  

In the Championship that is...  Big Grin
Reply
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you have a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it, then said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

........................

Bought a stick deodorant today. Instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells brilliant
Can we win a game. 
Yes we can.  

In the Championship that is...  Big Grin
Reply






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